a little rant.

Today was not a bad day by any means. In fact, it should be considered a good day, because summer team got to check out the most amazing art drop-in ever, Sketch; Health Centre ended up having a doctor when we were expecting none; and Deb, Esther, Tanaya and I went to Salad King after work to hang out.
As I sit here though, there's a small rumbling in the pit of my being that is just simply unwell. Partly it may be due to that I went by Pinto Park after supper to watch the Miracles practice, but it turned out to be my sister's girls team practicing. I only knew a couple of the girls, as well as the guys that were helping to coach them, but I suppose I just get intimidated by really hardcore softball girls. I was a little disappointed and went home.
The main reason though, was that my coworker, whom I shall call L, was not being very friendly today. In general, she is not the most friendly of people anyway, and I'm aware of it and know how to act and react to her, but today just made me a little more cross than usual. Also because I've been working there almost two months now and I still feel so... patronized?
L is an older lady with three grown children and very conservative worldviews. She has the habit of micromanaging everything and being quite snarky. She also has a way of stating everything very matter-of-fact-ly, which I think is the thing I find the most annoying. For example, when I started working, my schedule was often very jumbled because of training or off-site events. L is not my supervisor; I report to the department head for all my absences. So one day when I came in after an absence, L asked where I had been. When I told her, she said something along the lines of, "Well, nobody told me." I had no response to that... but next time, I made a point to tell her that I was switching a holiday and would not be coming in the next day. I was deliberate to remind her before I left so she wouldn't forget, and then she said, "Yes, I know, you told me already." Just little things like that...
A couple days ago it was deserted in the health centre, so I went upstairs to drop-in to look for a snack or to say hi to my friends. I hung out at the food bar for a bit, chatting with some people and munching. One youth who I know from the health centre was joking around with us - when the staff on food bar came up to serve him, he saw me slacking and said, "No I want Clara to serve me!" (So I served him even though I don't work in drop-in.) Anyway, after that little bit of jocundity, a phone call came from downstairs, and I was told I had to go back down. When I got there, I saw L sitting in the optometry room, counting out her pills... She turned to me, her expression permanently frozen in an uninterested sort of gaze, and drawled, "Are you bored?" I never know what to reply to that (that was not the first time she'd asked me that question before), because I was not bored, actually - I quite enjoy just hanging around people and chatting with them. But I know what she means - she is asking if I want to help her. My strategic rebuttal is, "Do you need help?" Thus putting her in a likewise predicament.
So she got me to help her write out medication labels, which I didn't mind doing. I brought them out with me to the waiting area to chat with a youth while I worked.
L really likes to keep with her regulars. When youth come in who she knows well, she'll come out and have long chats with them. But with new people, she can just be plain... well, rude. I don't think it's meant to be rude, but just short. She told me not to give the health centre business cards to the youth because they'll just lose them (which makes no sense to me, because what use are business cards if they're not given out to the clients?), but she was quick to dole one out to one of her favourite regulars. Meanwhile, she doesn't even bother to remember the names of most of the youth who come in.
L is good at what she does (a dental assistant by trade), but I am constantly being tried when I work with her. Asking her a question requires tremendous humility. Restraining my tongue takes self-control. At the core of it though, I just do not feel dignified when I am around her. L's mannerism is quite demeaning, as if she doesn't trust me to do a good or even proper job. It frustrates me because we are working in an environment that is attempting to empower youth, and edify them. And more often than not, she is rolling her eyes at a youth's short temper (which I have sympathy for, after the street walk) or shaking her head at another youth who got pregnant. She likes to make comparison to her own children, whom she proudly proclaims as being celibate until marriage. I can't see how that attitude is making the youth feel respected.

**This post is not meant to defame L, but only to express my frustrations from working with her. She is admired by those youth to whom she is known and respected even from those she doesn't know. When the regular youth come in, they'll often engage in conversation with her immediately and ask for her advice or help. One youth even went back to school to become a dental hygienist because she was inspired by L.
In light of all this, I may only conclude that L is racist towards Chinese people.
Just kidding! ... I hope!