Emotions.

Yesterday I had the best moment of my life. With less than a minute left in our last regular season hockey game of the term, I managed to sneak one past the goalie for my first goal of the season. It wasn't the game winner, and I'd scored before in previous seasons playing hockey... so what made this one so exhilarating? Playing with a new team I'd grown with for two terms, and wanted, in a way, to prove myself to? Having had two shots on goal, and hungry for what I felt I was long overdue?
When that puck feebly slid into the net, my bench erupted. They knew how badly I'd wanted it. My captain gave me a huge hug, and a row of hockey-glove-props awaited me. For anyone else, it might have just been another goal, or "good job" - it wasn't even a pretty goal. But no, not now. Nobody would deny me this one shining moment. And a year or two ago I may have just smiled and skated off, bubbling with joy. But last night I didn't; I had to scream at the top of my lungs.
For me, the problem is not about having emotions; it's about expressing them, and trusting people to care, to empathize, to understand what it means to me.
I was sitting around with a few optoms at lunch one time who were sharing their acceptance stories. When they got their letters, they were left speechless, or dancing around the living room, or crying on the phone with their families. Me? I checked Quest at midnight on a Friday, with my parents gone away for the weekend. So I called them, and they congratulated me... and I didn't know who else to call. I don't know why, but I even felt a little bit... embarrassed about being excited. So I just relished the feeling for awhile (after refreshing Quest a few times to make sure it wasn't a mistake), and told myself to get over and go to bed. (Of course I didn't share that story at the time.)
Morrie Schwartz tells Mitch to learn to experience emotions fully, and then to detach from them. I think I'm pretty good at that... so I want to work on sharing moments and emotions with people, and learning that sometimes needing a crutch is alright. So while other people are learning to skate on two legs, maybe I'll need that hockey stick to lean on a little more often.