Saturday June 9. 12pm-6pm.

Deb, Mika, and Hanna were already waiting for us when we arrived at the Eaton Centre. We went inside to sit in the food court where we'd have some relief from the blistering sun, and be able to get off our feet for a bit. There was something different about being in the mall just to eat and rest, though. The shops were unimportant - it didn't matter what was on sale, and where. Even fast food was too rich for our blood. I know this sort of poverty is an exaggeration of street life, because street-involved youth can actually make a lot of money if they're into dealing and prostitution. I guess our experience was more like that of fresh runaways, before they get sucked into that sort of life.
We ate our hungrily burgers and shared the juice. For dessert we had candy that was handed out in little sample packages at the street corner. I felt terribly for Steve and Mika, knowing that they must be incredibly unsatisfied with only the same amount of food that us girls ate comfortably. (Mika had plowed through most of his burger by the time we'd sat down and decided to pray together.)
After we cleaned up our meal, we used the bathrooms and then left. I was with Steve and Deb now. Our new mission was to find sleeping bags for tonight. We walked through the Regent Park area only to find that the place we were headed to that ran a sleeping bag exchange was closed on Saturdays. So we went to Double Take and the Salvation Army thrift store to see if there were sleeping bags or blankets for cheap. There was nothing we could afford... but at least I got to test out a few chairs and rest my feet. The three of us also went to the library for a bit to kill time. There's not a whole lot to do, or places to go, when you're scared of not fitting in and of getting kicked out. We also walked down George Street, which is supposed to be a really sketchy street with lots of lonely men living there, but during the day it seemed okay. The houses were rundown, with crooked wire fences, and people leering at us from their porches. We saw the Seaton House, the men's shelter that Carolyn warned us about.
Eventually we ended up on Front Street. Steve was hungry again, so we stopped in a McDonald's. We can't help it, the food is so cheap there! So Steve got a double cheeseburger, and Deb and I shared a strawberry sundae. It felt so good to eat for fun again and not merely for survival. Outside, a whole party of people and their dogs were eating and taking in some sun. There were Malteses and Chihuahuas, a sad looking pug, and one incredibly tiny and cute terrier. I was reminded of my late dog, and wished for the day when I'd be able to own another. I also told Deb about how conflicted I feel when I see ugly guys with really cute dogs. Sorry, but it had to be said.
After this stop, we wandered back up to Sherbourne and Carlton where we were going to have supper. The guy at McDonald's had told us the wrong time, though, so we arrived there a full hour before our actual meeting time. We ended up lying down for a nap in Allen Gardens until Mika, Hanna, and Tanaya showed up.
At five o'clock, we went to Cornerstone Urban Church for supper. A guy sang some songs and prayed in the sanctuary, and then we were ushered into another room for supper. We were split up as we entered, being pointed to whatever vacant spot there was. We were given a plate with pasta, a bun, and three pieces of chicken, and a piece of cake for dessert. This was not a bad meal at all! The servers also very nice, offering juice and coffee to us. Deb and I sat across from each other, but we didn't really talk. We were too busy stuffing our faces. It was mostly older folk around us, some immigrants, probably some who had lost their jobs. The anonymity was nice. There was no fear of being interrogated here, of trying to be saved, of being somebody's project.
We finished eating, and promptly were out the door. On the way out, we stopped by the clothing table, and Tanaya and I picked up an extra sweater for the night. I observed a rather large lady in a motorized wheelchair pick up an extra-small tanktop and hold it up to her enormous chest. It reminded me of the time I was shopping with friends at Garage in Cambridge, when I saw two tall blonde girls excitedly grab black sweatpants from the same rack I was looking at - "There's only extra-small left... But let's try them on anyway, they're only five dollars!"
Anyway...
After we were back outdoors in the park, we all hung around a bit to chat before we split up again. Mika and Hanna were thoroughly exhausted; they were not accustomed to so much walking. Tanaya had taken them to eat some bread today though, just like the kind they get at home, so they were in much better spirits. Hanna had said she didn't even feel homeless anymore. Mika said, it was as if God had come down and said hello. Mika, it turned out, was becoming the only thing keeping me sane this weekend. He was comic relief, and was always smiling. I wondered sometimes if he understood the gravity of what we were doing, because he never really had to worry about where to go and what to do next, but it was also a good reminder for me to not take it so seriously. Homeless people can be happy too! And taking Mika and Hanna around this weekend... Well, it's a little bit like when parents try not to argue in front of the children. We all tried extra hard to keep the peace in the group for the sake of Mika and Hanna. We had become their protectors and guardians in this foreign city, working together and in shifts to keep them safe. But I can imagine it's tough for street youth and homeless people to stick together. As the weekend was progressing, I found myself wanting to pull away from the group. If I couldn't control our circumstances, or the people around me, I had to at least maintain control of myself. Homeless people don't really have privileges; I bet they aren't even sure of their rights. We sure as heck didn't know what our rights were when that cop came to harass Steve that morning. I needed to find a way to stop myself from being pushed around by my own group; I was already been pushed around enough by the world.
At ten past six, we split up again. Deb, Tanaya and I decided to go back to Cornerstone for the message that followed dinner, hoping that they would offer us something to fill our spirits as well as our stomachs.