I just finished my second day at Evergreen Centre for Street Youth. At the moment, I'm not a happy camper. In general, I liked my first day and a half. But after an upsetting incident at lunch and upon starting to work in the health clinic today, I'm starting to face more of a struggle, just between... enjoying working at such a laid-back place, or finding it to be plain disorganized. Evergreen features a drop-in centre on the main floor, where youth come in to have some food and hang out. The staff can approach people just to talk and find out more about them, and play pool or foosball with them. When you go down the stairs, though, you enter a whole different world: there's the Employment Resource Centre, which help kids to find jobs and go through interviews, and counsels them; and the Health Clinic (where I will be), where health professionals offer their services, and some necessities are provided. So I guess it was just a shock going down there today... leaving the relaxed atmosphere of the drop-in centre, and entering the all-too-familiar sterile seat behind the reception desk. Trading in the skylight for glaring fluorescent lights. It's still pretty cool being around the street youth - listening to kids try to shock you with their stories, watching tattooed and pierced guys swoon over babies that are brought in. But I still feel like I'm at work. It's all too familiar.. the clinic, the charts, the exam rooms. Hopefully over the summer it'll become less stiff for me. I'm more used to the whole professional office setting, so I hope I'll warm up to this drop-in clinic soon.
What happened today that brought about my sour mood was the sailing trip. A couple of the staff organized a sailing trip for the youth, just something fun and free for them to enjoy. Obviously all the summer team were quietly teeming with jealousy, because the weather was absolutely gorgeous today, and we were promised lots of perks when we signed on. Derek was getting nervous because no youth were showing up. So near the end of lunch, Rob comes over and says, "Who wants to go sailing?"
Immediately, Steve and Deb jump on it. "Sure!" "I do!" I didn't respond, because I wasn't sure how many people would go, and I didn't want to seem too eager to ditch work. Rob said only one could go.. but in the end, they ended up taking both of them. I was pretty ... frustrated? I guess that's the best way to describe it. At first I was annoyed at the way they just volunteered so readily, I suppose I found it unprofessional. After all, this is a job, and we should be in the drop-in. Anyway when it comes down to it, I was just annoyed at my own reluctance, and inability to stand up for what I want. It was a fair game question - "Who wants to go sailing?" Of course everybody does. I do believe that Steve and Deb just answered honestly, and I made a snap interpretation of it as being overenthusiastic or whatever. And in the end, somebody had to lose out. I guess.. I don't really mind that I didn't get to go. I would've liked to, but... I knew I was supposed to start in the health clinic today.
Ultimately, I think we should have let Mika and Hanna go, since they're not from here, and they are still getting used to the language and aren't really able to interact with people in the drop-in. I feel like I am judging Steve and Deb sometimes, because I know that they are aspiring church leaders - pastor and minister, respectively. So I have to keep that under control.

Today we had chapel, and David shared from a passage in Luke, just after the crucifixion of Jesus. Pastor Ken used the same passage for the Recognize Easter series - the one where Cleopas and ... some other guy... Peter, maybe? They're walking to Emmaus, and their faith is just in shatters because they expected Jesus to be the Messiah and at that point they didn't think He was coming back, so they were in shambles about what they believed. But Jesus comes alongside them on the journey and talks to them, but they don't recognize him. And finally when they arrive, Jesus acts like he's gonna keep going on, until they invite him to stay with them.
There are several important analogies that David made...
The first was about different types of conversions. He made reference to the "road to Damascus" conversion, in which people have a huge epiphany and flashing lights, and see God that way. Then he talked about an Agrippa conversion (which I've yet to look up and figure out what he's talking about), which is led by logic, and 'deducing' God's existence, in a way. Finally is the Emmaus conversion, in which people just ... walk. On their own journey... in shambles about what life's about, or what they're worth. And somewhere along the way, they just start to recognize that Jesus is with them. And that struck a chord with me, because I think that's what my life's like. I don't have a certain day that I said the Sinner's Prayer, or whatever that's called. And I don't have huge milestone epiphanies. I just know that God's brought me through a lot, and is drawing me closer and trying to get me to just recognize Him.
That's enough for now... what a long day.
Oh, yeah - Rob also posed this question/challenge today, about knowing yourself, and having a balance between this demanding job and personal downtime. Knowing how you like to relax and stuff... So I'm going to the mall.