Monday, July 30, 2007
Time flies.
I can't believe it's already coming on August. This summer has just slid through my fingers. I feel like it's been full of valuable experiences and memorable lessons, and there aren't many feelings that are better than that of time well spent. Hopefully I'll be able to continue to spend my time meaningfully. Here's a list of things I want to accomplish, or habits to build up, by April 2010.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
a little rant.
Today was not a bad day by any means. In fact, it should be considered a good day, because summer team got to check out the most amazing art drop-in ever, Sketch; Health Centre ended up having a doctor when we were expecting none; and Deb, Esther, Tanaya and I went to Salad King after work to hang out.
As I sit here though, there's a small rumbling in the pit of my being that is just simply unwell. Partly it may be due to that I went by Pinto Park after supper to watch the Miracles practice, but it turned out to be my sister's girls team practicing. I only knew a couple of the girls, as well as the guys that were helping to coach them, but I suppose I just get intimidated by really hardcore softball girls. I was a little disappointed and went home.
The main reason though, was that my coworker, whom I shall call L, was not being very friendly today. In general, she is not the most friendly of people anyway, and I'm aware of it and know how to act and react to her, but today just made me a little more cross than usual. Also because I've been working there almost two months now and I still feel so... patronized?
L is an older lady with three grown children and very conservative worldviews. She has the habit of micromanaging everything and being quite snarky. She also has a way of stating everything very matter-of-fact-ly, which I think is the thing I find the most annoying. For example, when I started working, my schedule was often very jumbled because of training or off-site events. L is not my supervisor; I report to the department head for all my absences. So one day when I came in after an absence, L asked where I had been. When I told her, she said something along the lines of, "Well, nobody told me." I had no response to that... but next time, I made a point to tell her that I was switching a holiday and would not be coming in the next day. I was deliberate to remind her before I left so she wouldn't forget, and then she said, "Yes, I know, you told me already." Just little things like that...
A couple days ago it was deserted in the health centre, so I went upstairs to drop-in to look for a snack or to say hi to my friends. I hung out at the food bar for a bit, chatting with some people and munching. One youth who I know from the health centre was joking around with us - when the staff on food bar came up to serve him, he saw me slacking and said, "No I want Clara to serve me!" (So I served him even though I don't work in drop-in.) Anyway, after that little bit of jocundity, a phone call came from downstairs, and I was told I had to go back down. When I got there, I saw L sitting in the optometry room, counting out her pills... She turned to me, her expression permanently frozen in an uninterested sort of gaze, and drawled, "Are you bored?" I never know what to reply to that (that was not the first time she'd asked me that question before), because I was not bored, actually - I quite enjoy just hanging around people and chatting with them. But I know what she means - she is asking if I want to help her. My strategic rebuttal is, "Do you need help?" Thus putting her in a likewise predicament.
So she got me to help her write out medication labels, which I didn't mind doing. I brought them out with me to the waiting area to chat with a youth while I worked.
L really likes to keep with her regulars. When youth come in who she knows well, she'll come out and have long chats with them. But with new people, she can just be plain... well, rude. I don't think it's meant to be rude, but just short. She told me not to give the health centre business cards to the youth because they'll just lose them (which makes no sense to me, because what use are business cards if they're not given out to the clients?), but she was quick to dole one out to one of her favourite regulars. Meanwhile, she doesn't even bother to remember the names of most of the youth who come in.
L is good at what she does (a dental assistant by trade), but I am constantly being tried when I work with her. Asking her a question requires tremendous humility. Restraining my tongue takes self-control. At the core of it though, I just do not feel dignified when I am around her. L's mannerism is quite demeaning, as if she doesn't trust me to do a good or even proper job. It frustrates me because we are working in an environment that is attempting to empower youth, and edify them. And more often than not, she is rolling her eyes at a youth's short temper (which I have sympathy for, after the street walk) or shaking her head at another youth who got pregnant. She likes to make comparison to her own children, whom she proudly proclaims as being celibate until marriage. I can't see how that attitude is making the youth feel respected.
**This post is not meant to defame L, but only to express my frustrations from working with her. She is admired by those youth to whom she is known and respected even from those she doesn't know. When the regular youth come in, they'll often engage in conversation with her immediately and ask for her advice or help. One youth even went back to school to become a dental hygienist because she was inspired by L.
In light of all this, I may only conclude that L is racist towards Chinese people.
Just kidding! ... I hope!
As I sit here though, there's a small rumbling in the pit of my being that is just simply unwell. Partly it may be due to that I went by Pinto Park after supper to watch the Miracles practice, but it turned out to be my sister's girls team practicing. I only knew a couple of the girls, as well as the guys that were helping to coach them, but I suppose I just get intimidated by really hardcore softball girls. I was a little disappointed and went home.
The main reason though, was that my coworker, whom I shall call L, was not being very friendly today. In general, she is not the most friendly of people anyway, and I'm aware of it and know how to act and react to her, but today just made me a little more cross than usual. Also because I've been working there almost two months now and I still feel so... patronized?
L is an older lady with three grown children and very conservative worldviews. She has the habit of micromanaging everything and being quite snarky. She also has a way of stating everything very matter-of-fact-ly, which I think is the thing I find the most annoying. For example, when I started working, my schedule was often very jumbled because of training or off-site events. L is not my supervisor; I report to the department head for all my absences. So one day when I came in after an absence, L asked where I had been. When I told her, she said something along the lines of, "Well, nobody told me." I had no response to that... but next time, I made a point to tell her that I was switching a holiday and would not be coming in the next day. I was deliberate to remind her before I left so she wouldn't forget, and then she said, "Yes, I know, you told me already." Just little things like that...
A couple days ago it was deserted in the health centre, so I went upstairs to drop-in to look for a snack or to say hi to my friends. I hung out at the food bar for a bit, chatting with some people and munching. One youth who I know from the health centre was joking around with us - when the staff on food bar came up to serve him, he saw me slacking and said, "No I want Clara to serve me!" (So I served him even though I don't work in drop-in.) Anyway, after that little bit of jocundity, a phone call came from downstairs, and I was told I had to go back down. When I got there, I saw L sitting in the optometry room, counting out her pills... She turned to me, her expression permanently frozen in an uninterested sort of gaze, and drawled, "Are you bored?" I never know what to reply to that (that was not the first time she'd asked me that question before), because I was not bored, actually - I quite enjoy just hanging around people and chatting with them. But I know what she means - she is asking if I want to help her. My strategic rebuttal is, "Do you need help?" Thus putting her in a likewise predicament.
So she got me to help her write out medication labels, which I didn't mind doing. I brought them out with me to the waiting area to chat with a youth while I worked.
L really likes to keep with her regulars. When youth come in who she knows well, she'll come out and have long chats with them. But with new people, she can just be plain... well, rude. I don't think it's meant to be rude, but just short. She told me not to give the health centre business cards to the youth because they'll just lose them (which makes no sense to me, because what use are business cards if they're not given out to the clients?), but she was quick to dole one out to one of her favourite regulars. Meanwhile, she doesn't even bother to remember the names of most of the youth who come in.
L is good at what she does (a dental assistant by trade), but I am constantly being tried when I work with her. Asking her a question requires tremendous humility. Restraining my tongue takes self-control. At the core of it though, I just do not feel dignified when I am around her. L's mannerism is quite demeaning, as if she doesn't trust me to do a good or even proper job. It frustrates me because we are working in an environment that is attempting to empower youth, and edify them. And more often than not, she is rolling her eyes at a youth's short temper (which I have sympathy for, after the street walk) or shaking her head at another youth who got pregnant. She likes to make comparison to her own children, whom she proudly proclaims as being celibate until marriage. I can't see how that attitude is making the youth feel respected.
**This post is not meant to defame L, but only to express my frustrations from working with her. She is admired by those youth to whom she is known and respected even from those she doesn't know. When the regular youth come in, they'll often engage in conversation with her immediately and ask for her advice or help. One youth even went back to school to become a dental hygienist because she was inspired by L.
In light of all this, I may only conclude that L is racist towards Chinese people.
Just kidding! ... I hope!
Thursday, July 12, 2007
too much jumbled mess.
There's so much going on in my head these days that I feel like it'll explode. For one thing, I'm still homeless in Waterloo so that's always on the back of my mind and requiring attention and action. Things at work have also been more hectic this week, with more drama going on and longer de-briefing periods after work. Finding out more things that I wish weren't true, things I wish didn't happen in the world. A lot of emotion, a lot of surprises... good ones and bad ones. I don't know what to do with it all, where to put it. It almost made me want to attempt to be poetic, but I'm sure it'd just turn out really Vogon.
I used to hate the fact that as people, we're unable to change other people. I hate that there's so much injustice out there, and so much fear, and we can't do anything. We can't make people stop dealing, or pimping, or beating their kids. We can only watch from the sidelines and tell them to stop.
Slowly I think I'm starting to see the beauty in the fact that we can help people to change. We walk alongside them and help them to see options. We tell them that they don't need to deal or pimp or beat their kids. We show them there are choices and better ways.
It's simple, it's easy, and it's beautiful. It is a chocolate banana muffin, that brings a glimmer of excitement to a newly pregnant girl's eyes. It is a printed-out flyer about a George Brown site visit, that renews hope in a long-time user and re-ignites his ambition to finish high school. It is a mouthful of broken French, that warms a boy, recently moved from Montreal, with familiarity.
There's so much hurt out there still, and hearts still broken. And as much as we'd like to help everybody out there, we just can't. But "surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save" (Is. 59:1). All we can do is partner with Him in His work. But ultimately, it's all His.
Today was a good night to just be in at home and get some rest. Brenda went to softball practice and then out for supper with her team, and my parents drove my grandparents to the airport later in the evening, so I had time to just be alone. I'm trying to work on the solitude and silence thing, and not spend so much time in front of the computer or playing my DS. I've been pretty good about cutting back the TV; I only watch Canada's Next Top Model, which is going to be over after next week! Mom gave me her yoga mat from an exercise set that Bren and I got her for Christmas last year, and I've also been trying to work on stretches, but I've got to be more careful or I'm gonna hurt myself. Tomorrow there's a BBQ for the youth so I have to work late, and then I'm meeting Maggers and Monicar at Boston Pizza.
I used to hate the fact that as people, we're unable to change other people. I hate that there's so much injustice out there, and so much fear, and we can't do anything. We can't make people stop dealing, or pimping, or beating their kids. We can only watch from the sidelines and tell them to stop.
Slowly I think I'm starting to see the beauty in the fact that we can help people to change. We walk alongside them and help them to see options. We tell them that they don't need to deal or pimp or beat their kids. We show them there are choices and better ways.
It's simple, it's easy, and it's beautiful. It is a chocolate banana muffin, that brings a glimmer of excitement to a newly pregnant girl's eyes. It is a printed-out flyer about a George Brown site visit, that renews hope in a long-time user and re-ignites his ambition to finish high school. It is a mouthful of broken French, that warms a boy, recently moved from Montreal, with familiarity.
There's so much hurt out there still, and hearts still broken. And as much as we'd like to help everybody out there, we just can't. But "surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save" (Is. 59:1). All we can do is partner with Him in His work. But ultimately, it's all His.
Today was a good night to just be in at home and get some rest. Brenda went to softball practice and then out for supper with her team, and my parents drove my grandparents to the airport later in the evening, so I had time to just be alone. I'm trying to work on the solitude and silence thing, and not spend so much time in front of the computer or playing my DS. I've been pretty good about cutting back the TV; I only watch Canada's Next Top Model, which is going to be over after next week! Mom gave me her yoga mat from an exercise set that Bren and I got her for Christmas last year, and I've also been trying to work on stretches, but I've got to be more careful or I'm gonna hurt myself. Tomorrow there's a BBQ for the youth so I have to work late, and then I'm meeting Maggers and Monicar at Boston Pizza.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)